Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

Dump a Trump Pen Holder

Donald Trump Pen Holder. Satirical resin figurine of a man in a red cap and blue suit posed on a black desk base.

Finally, a way to literally dump a Trump on your desk while keeping your pens organized. This heavy-duty, hand-painted resin holder doubles as a paperweight, making it the ultimate satirical gag gift for anyone who wants their office supplies to have a personality.

$19ishWANT IT

Middle Finger Mug

White mug with coffee revealing a hidden 3D middle finger gesture at the bottom.

Finally, a way to tell your boss exactly what you think without actually getting fired. This Middle Finger Mug looks perfectly innocent until your coworker finishes their coffee and discovers the hidden 3D gesture at the bottom. It’s the ultimate "up yours" for your daily caffeine fix.

$14ishWANT IT

You Have to Fucking Eat Book

Satirical book cover featuring cartoon pandas and a woman sitting among them on a wooden table.

Finally, a way to express your internal screaming through the medium of a profane, satirical hardcover book. "You Have to Fucking Eat" offers radical honesty and cathartic humor for parents who are currently losing their minds and need to laugh until they cry over the daily chaos of survival.

$14ishWANT IT

Boss Gag Desk Plate

Gold rectangular desk plate engraved with a funny phrase, placed on a wooden office desk.

Grant your manager the promotion they never actually earned with this gold-engraved Boss Gag Desk Plate. It’s a sophisticated way to mock the corporate hierarchy while maintaining a veneer of professional respect for the person currently ruining your Monday.

$16ishWANT IT

Fire Missiles Button

Close-up of a red circular button labeled Fire Missiles, designed as a car lighter device.

The Fire Missiles Button is the ultimate outlet for your repressed road rage. While it won't actually launch projectiles at the slowpoke in front of you, it functions as a standard cigarette lighter, allowing you to feel like a cinematic villain while remaining technically law-abiding.

$9ishWANT IT

The Gift of Nothing

Clear rectangular storage box with bold black text reading "You Said You Wanted Nothing.

Finally, you can fulfill their impossible request for absolutely nothing without feeling like a total failure. This clear box provides an endless supply of nothing, making it the perfect gluten-free prank for the person who already owns everything and deserves a literal masterpiece of uselessness.

$9ishWANT IT

Fake Pet Sweep Box

Large Pet Sweep box featuring a dog graphic, next to a person wearing red fuzzy animal boots.

Be the absolute menace of your next White Elephant party with the Prank-O Pet Sweep. This comically realistic box tricks everyone into thinking you bought a bizarre floor-cleaning gadget, only to reveal their actual gift hidden inside for a perfect, laughter-inducing double-take.

$7ishWANT IT

Switchblade Style Comb

Hand holding a metallic switchblade style comb with a black textured grip on a wooden surface.

This 9-inch switchblade-style comb looks exactly like a weapon until you press the button to reveal a perfectly groomed mane. It’s the ultimate way to intimidate your friends while ensuring your hair remains flawlessly styled, making it the weirdest, most necessary prank gift ever.

$3ishWANT IT

Can of Whoop-Ass

Cylindrical metal can of Whoop-Ass featuring a graphic of a clenched fist breaking out.

Give your most aggressive friend a Can of Whoop-Ass to keep them humble. This absurdly specific gag gift contains a generous serving of compost, making it the perfect "why does this exist" purchase for the hothead who needs a reality check.

$8ishWANT IT

Useless Switch Box

Small black switch box featuring a tiny mechanical finger popping out from the top.

Achieve peak futility with the Useless Box, a masterpiece of engineering that does absolutely nothing. Flip the switch and watch a tiny mechanical finger pop out to immediately turn it off again. It’s the perfect desk toy for anyone who wants to celebrate the beauty of pointless, high-quality engineering.

$9ishWANT IT

Pun Lover Card Game

Vibrant Punderdome card game box featuring retro game show graphics and pun-themed text.

The Punderdome card game is the ultimate white elephant gift for that coworker who takes their dad jokes way too seriously. You have ninety seconds to fuse two random prompts into a pun, turning your next office gathering into a high-stakes arena of linguistic crimes and questionable wordplay.

$15ishWANT IT

Under Desk Foot Hammock

Black fabric foot hammock suspended under a wooden office desk for relaxation while working.

Your feet deserve a vacation from the floor while you're stuck in a meeting that definitely could have been an email. This Under Desk Foot Hammock lets you lounge like a corporate pirate, complete with a headphone holder for your "I'm-actually-working" playlist.

$16ishWANT IT