Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

Bear Paw Meat Shredder

Pair of black bear paw meat shredders with claw grips resting on a light wooden surface.

Finally, you can stop pretending to be a civilized human and start shredding your pulled pork like a literal apex predator. These heat-resistant Bear Paw Meat Shredders turn your backyard BBQ into a primal feast, making messy meat prep weirdly satisfying and aggressively primal.

$13ishWANT IT

Vertical Bacon Grill

Black vertical bacon grill with strips of bacon cooking inside on a modern kitchen counter.

Imagine your bacon standing perfectly upright like tiny, crispy soldiers in a vertical cooking machine. The Nostalgia Bacon Express drains away the grease into a slide-out tray while an illuminated dial tracks your path to crispy perfection, making breakfast feel weirdly sophisticated and oddly necessary.

$160ishWANT IT

Luchador Bottle Opener

Red luchador wrestler bottle opener being used on a bright green glass bottle.

A tiny wrestler is currently holding your beer hostage in a brutal lock hold. This Luchador Bottle Opener turns every drink into a high-stakes championship match, using stainless steel and rubberized coating to ensure your beverage is liberated with maximum drama and zero dignity.

$9ishWANT IT

Pro Tech Repair Kit

iFixit Pro Tech Toolkit - Electronics, Smartphone, Computer & Tablet Repair Kit

Stop letting a shattered screen ruin your aesthetic and start your journey toward becoming a backyard electronics surgeon. The iFixit Pro Tech Toolkit provides 64 precision bits and specialized prying tools, giving you the god-like power to repair your own tech while looking suspiciously like a professional.

$27ishWANT IT

DIY Gummy Sushi Kit

Brightly illustrated cardboard box containing a kit to make colorful gummy sushi.

Imagine hosting a dinner party where the only thing on the menu is edible, gelatinous deception. The Kracie Popin' Cookin' Sushi Making Kit lets you craft gummy sushi that looks real enough to confuse your guests into thinking you’ve actually mastered the culinary arts.

$9ishWANT IT

Stainless Steel Odor Bar

Smooth, rounded stainless steel bar engraved with "RUB-A-WAY" on a light speckled surface.

This is a literal bar of stainless steel that functions as a high-tech eraser for your stinky hands. The Amco Rub-a-Way Bar uses molecular bonding to neutralize garlic, fish, and hiking odors instantly, providing a dishwasher-safe solution that works perfectly whether your hands are wet or dry.

$9ishWANT IT

Retro Breakfast Station

Retro Breakfast Station

This retro aqua Nostalgia 3-in-1 Breakfast Station looks like a vintage fever dream that actually works. It packs a coffee maker, non-stick griddle, and toaster oven into one compact unit, because why settle for just toast when you can have a full-scale breakfast production on one counter?

$79ishWANT IT

Oil-Free Air Fryer

Black digital air fryer appliance with a sleek, modern design sitting on a light kitchen countertop.

When your late-night cravings demand crispy fries but your heart demands a vegetable-adjacent lifestyle, the Philips Digital Airfryer is your new best friend. It uses a patented starfish design to circulate superheated air, delivering 75% less fat while keeping your food perfectly crispy and your kitchen remarkably grease-free.

$99ishWANT IT

Inflatable Jousting Logs

A smiling boy in a swimming pool interacting with large inflatable jousting logs.

Turn your backyard pool into a medieval battlefield with these Inflatable Jousting Logs. Balance on vinyl logs and swing boppers to knock your friends into the deep end, settling petty grievances with a high-energy, splashy showdown of oddly specific, water-based violence.

$26ishWANT IT

Shower Curtain With Pockets

Clear shower curtain with integrated mesh pockets for holding shampoo and bath supplies.

Finally, you can treat your shower like a tactical gear haul. This liner features nine mesh pockets to hold your shampoo, razors, and bath toys, keeping your floor clear of slippery clutter. It’s the oddly specific, slightly ridiculous organizational upgrade your bathroom desperately needs to achieve peak efficiency.

$11ishWANT IT

Dihydrogen Monoxide Bottle

Opaque white flask with black scientific warning labels and a black cap resting on a countertop

The Dihydrogen Monoxide Containment Bottle is for when you want your hydration to sound like a high-level laboratory breach. This leak-proof stainless steel flask lets you carry your "chemicals" with scientific authority, ensuring you’re the most intimidatingly hydrated person at the gym.

$27ishWANT IT

Glow Capture the Flag

Capture the Flag Redux game box showing players in a glowing outdoor battlefield.

Your backyard is about to become a radioactive neon war zone. Redux turns night into a high-stakes, glowing battlefield where stealth is mandatory, giving you the perfect excuse to sprint like a ninja and ruin your friends' night in the most luminous way possible.

$59ishWANT IT