Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

Cannabis Flower Cologne

Demeter Cannabis Flower cologne bottle on a white marble surface next to a green succulent.

Finally, you can smell like a dispensary without the actual side effects of being high. This Cannabis Flower Cologne delivers a spicy, floral punch that captures the truest essence of the herb while keeping you perfectly productive and TSA-compliant.

$25ishWANT IT

Holy Meme Bible

Textured white book titled Holy Meme Bible, featuring ornate gold lettering and design.

The Holy Meme Bible is the only spiritual guide you need for your questionable internet history. This 60-page activity book lets you confess your love for your FBI agent and color a badly illustrated Kim Kardashian while reliving the peak brain rot of 2018.

$16ishWANT IT

Sweary Coloring Book

Irreverent adult coloring book cover titled Calm the F*ck Down with detailed patterned border design.

The Calm the F*ck Down coloring book lets you color the things you aren't allowed to say in polite company. It pairs beautiful, complex illustrations of fairies and animals with hilarious, sweary affirmations, making it the perfect way to release your inner smartass while staying technically productive.

Gangsta Rap Coloring Book

Red coloring book cover with a detailed illustration of a stylized gun and bold text.

Finally, a way to channel your inner menace while practicing mindfulness. The Gangsta Rap Coloring Book lets you unleash your street cred one crayon stroke at a time, making it the ultimate activity for when you need to be aggressively artistic without actually breaking any laws.

$10ishWANT IT

The Geek's Guide to Dating

Pixel art cover of a book titled The Geek's Guide to Dating, featuring retro gaming characters and hearts.

When your social battery is at 2% but you still want to find a partner who appreciates your obscure hobbies. The Geek's Guide to Dating provides a hilarious, illustrated roadmap for navigating romance without losing your dignity or your precious sanity.

$14ishWANT IT

Idiots Are Everywhere Book

Hand holding bread near a book cover featuring a humorous wildlife warning sign in a grassy setting.

Idiots Are Everywhere is the literary validation you need for every time you’ve rolled your eyes at a stranger today. This 136-page humor book captures the absurdity of human incompetence in pure, relatable spite, making it the perfect gift for your most judgmental friend.

Book of Unusual Knowledge

Gold-bordered hardcover book featuring ancient ruins and the title Unusual Knowledge resting on wood.

The Book of Unusual Knowledge is a 704-page hardcover dedicated entirely to bizarre facts you never asked for but definitely need to know. It’s the ultimate weapon for winning every argument and making your friends slightly uncomfortable with your superior, unsolicited trivia and weirdly specific information.

$10ishWANT IT

How Not to Kill Your Baby

Humorous parenting guide book titled How Not to Kill Your Baby featuring a teddy bear and a wild bear.

There is a book dedicated to ensuring you don't accidentally kill your baby. How Not to Kill Your Baby is the ultimate survival guide for new parents who need a laugh while navigating the terrifying, sleep-deprived chaos of raising a tiny human without causing a catastrophe.

Dollar Bill Origami Book

Extreme origami book cover showing a detailed green creature illustration on a black background.

Turn your dwindling savings into a masterpiece with this Dollar Bill Origami Book. It’s the ultimate way to make your bank account look like a high-end gallery while ensuring your cash becomes physically impossible to spend at a grocery store.

Thug Kitchen Cookbook

Thug Kitchen cookbook cover displaying colorful, spicy tacos and bold black typography.

The Thug Kitchen Cookbook is the ultimate culinary manifesto for anyone who wants to eat vegan while giving absolutely zero f*cks. It swaps boring health food for spicy pickled carrots and tortas, proving you can be plant-based without losing your edge or your attitude.

$16ishWANT IT

You Have to Fucking Eat Book

Satirical book cover featuring cartoon pandas and a woman sitting among them on a wooden table.

Finally, a way to express your internal screaming through the medium of a profane, satirical hardcover book. "You Have to Fucking Eat" offers radical honesty and cathartic humor for parents who are currently losing their minds and need to laugh until they cry over the daily chaos of survival.

$14ishWANT IT

Traumatize Your Children Book

Humorous parenting book cover featuring a cartoon child and the title How to Traumatize Your Children.

Secure your legacy as a parental disaster with the "How to Traumatize Your Children" book. This witty guide offers seven proven methods to screw up your kids with skill and humor, making it the perfect gift for parents who want to be their wittiest, most chaotic selves.

$8ishWANT IT