Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

CIA Spy Secrets

A white book titled Spy Secrets, detailing CIA survival and safety techniques.

Finally, you can live your life with the paranoid confidence of a high-level operative. This book reveals CIA spy secrets and survival techniques, ensuring you’re prepared for every emergency while making your neighbors wonder why you’re suddenly practicing tactical maneuvers in the backyard.

$17ishWANT IT

SEAL Survival Skills Book

Survival skills guide book cover featuring tactical illustrations of military evasion and capture avoidance.

100 Deadly Skills is the ultimate manual for anyone who wants to evade capture and survive dangerous situations like a literal SEAL operative. It’s the perfect guide for turning your mundane backyard into a high-stakes espionage training ground without actually getting arrested.

$11ishWANT IT

Modern Gentleman Guide

Green guide book titled How To Be A Man, featuring a vintage illustration of a gentleman.

Because apparently, some of us need a literal instruction manual for the complex task of existing as a man. How To Be a Man covers everything from style to behavior, providing a roadmap for anyone who wants to master the art of being a gentleman without looking like a total disaster.

$53ishWANT IT

Rearview Spy Sunglasses

Dark framed spy sunglasses with purple tinted lenses on a light wooden table.

You can finally monitor your stalkers without the social suicide of actually turning around. These Rearview Spy Sunglasses let you see exactly what’s happening behind you, making them the ultimate gag for the paranoid, the practical joker, or anyone who wants to feel like a low-budget secret agent.

$7ishWANT IT

Middle Class Problems Book

Humorous book cover titled Middle Class Problems showing a man in a yellow shirt holding his head.

Finally, a book that validates your existential dread about owning a lawnmower and a slightly too expensive toaster. Middle Class Problems by Benjamin Lee turns the soul-crushing absurdity of modern life into a hilarious comedy, making it the perfect gift for anyone currently drowning in suburban mediocrity.

$142ishWANT IT

Finger Hockey Mini Book

Finger hockey mini rulebook resting on a white mat with a printed rink and goal.

Finger Hockey: No Poke Checking! is the official rulebook for a sport that sounds like a fever dream but is somehow deeply compelling. This tiny paperback teaches you how to compete in the world’s most unnecessary game, making it the perfect "why does this exist" gift for your weirdest friend.

$11ishWANT IT

Invisible Ghost Ink

Small glass bottle of ghost ink labeled for white light and blacklight activation.

Finally, you can gatekeep your secrets with Noodler's Blue Ghost ink, which stays invisible until you hit it with a blacklight. It’s "bulletproof" and fraud-resistant, making it the perfect tool for clandestine notes or just feeling like a high-stakes spy. It’s weirdly practical for your secret life.

$18ishWANT IT

How Not to Kill Your Baby

Humorous parenting guide book titled How Not to Kill Your Baby featuring a teddy bear and a wild bear.

There is a book dedicated to ensuring you don't accidentally kill your baby. How Not to Kill Your Baby is the ultimate survival guide for new parents who need a laugh while navigating the terrifying, sleep-deprived chaos of raising a tiny human without causing a catastrophe.

The Geek's Guide to Dating

Pixel art cover of a book titled The Geek's Guide to Dating, featuring retro gaming characters and hearts.

When your social battery is at 2% but you still want to find a partner who appreciates your obscure hobbies. The Geek's Guide to Dating provides a hilarious, illustrated roadmap for navigating romance without losing your dignity or your precious sanity.

$14ishWANT IT

Dad in Jail Storybook

Book cover featuring a large brown dog character in a striped shirt next to a small illustrated scene.

This children's book explains exactly what to expect when a parent goes to jail. It’s a strangely practical way to handle a heavy family reality, offering a gentle, illustrated guide for kids who need to understand why Dad isn't home for dinner.

$13ishWANT IT

Illegal Food War Stories

Illustrated book cover showing a whimsical farm scene with a tank, red barn, and bright sun.

Finally, a way to feel like a culinary outlaw without actually getting arrested. This 352-page paperback chronicles the hilarious, high-stakes battles of sustainable agriculture, turning your backyard garden into a tactical front in a local food war.

$15ishWANT IT

Ex-Wife's Wedding Dress Book

Hardcover blue book featuring a person in a white wedding dress on a rustic wooden surface.

101 Uses for My Ex-Wife's Wedding Dress is the petty masterpiece your bookshelf is missing. This hilarious guide turns matrimonial wreckage into practical household items, making it the perfect gift for anyone who wants to handle a messy breakup with maximum creative spite.