Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

Woods Survival Guide

Dark green hardcover book titled How to Stay Alive in the Woods, featuring a small flame icon.

If you’re planning on getting lost in the woods, this Woods Survival Guide ensures you actually make it back to civilization in one piece. It covers everything from building shelter to finding food, because "vibes" aren't a valid strategy for self-preservation when the local wildlife starts looking hungry.

$12ishWANT IT

CIA Spy Secrets

A white book titled Spy Secrets, detailing CIA survival and safety techniques.

Finally, you can live your life with the paranoid confidence of a high-level operative. This book reveals CIA spy secrets and survival techniques, ensuring you’re prepared for every emergency while making your neighbors wonder why you’re suddenly practicing tactical maneuvers in the backyard.

$17ishWANT IT

CIA Manual of Trickery

Tan book cover displaying the CIA Manual of Trickery and Deception with a red classified stamp.

Finally, you have a legitimate excuse for your suspicious behavior. The Official CIA Manual of Trickery and Deception teaches you the high-level secrets of lying like a professional government agent, turning your social awkwardness into a calculated, clandestine operation.

Illegal Food War Stories

Illustrated book cover showing a whimsical farm scene with a tank, red barn, and bright sun.

Finally, a way to feel like a culinary outlaw without actually getting arrested. This 352-page paperback chronicles the hilarious, high-stakes battles of sustainable agriculture, turning your backyard garden into a tactical front in a local food war.

$15ishWANT IT

How Not to Kill Your Baby

Humorous parenting guide book titled How Not to Kill Your Baby featuring a teddy bear and a wild bear.

There is a book dedicated to ensuring you don't accidentally kill your baby. How Not to Kill Your Baby is the ultimate survival guide for new parents who need a laugh while navigating the terrifying, sleep-deprived chaos of raising a tiny human without causing a catastrophe.

Spare Time Money Book

Bright orange book cover showing a shadowy figure and the title "How to Make Money in Your Spare Time.

When your friend complains about their 9-to-5 again, hand them "How to Make Money in Your Spare Time." This satirical guide offers hilarious, useless side hustle ideas for anyone who wants to turn their leisure time into a fortune without actually trying.

$9ishWANT IT

Modern Gentleman Guide

Green guide book titled How To Be A Man, featuring a vintage illustration of a gentleman.

Because apparently, some of us need a literal instruction manual for the complex task of existing as a man. How To Be a Man covers everything from style to behavior, providing a roadmap for anyone who wants to master the art of being a gentleman without looking like a total disaster.

$53ishWANT IT

Ex-Wife's Wedding Dress Book

Hardcover blue book featuring a person in a white wedding dress on a rustic wooden surface.

101 Uses for My Ex-Wife's Wedding Dress is the petty masterpiece your bookshelf is missing. This hilarious guide turns matrimonial wreckage into practical household items, making it the perfect gift for anyone who wants to handle a messy breakup with maximum creative spite.

Toilet Monster Decal

Cartoon monster face decal sticker placed on the front of a white toilet tank.

Turn potty training into a high-stakes game of target practice with this Toilet Monster Decal. This waterproof vinyl sticker turns your toilet into a bullseye, making the most mundane part of your toddler's day feel like a weirdly intense, oddly satisfying sport.

$7ishWANT IT

Glow Capture the Flag

Capture the Flag Redux game box showing players in a glowing outdoor battlefield.

Your backyard is about to become a radioactive neon war zone. Redux turns night into a high-stakes, glowing battlefield where stealth is mandatory, giving you the perfect excuse to sprint like a ninja and ruin your friends' night in the most luminous way possible.

$59ishWANT IT

Tattoo Coloring Book

Detailed tattoo coloring book cover featuring a fierce tiger head surrounded by intricate mandalas.

Commit to the edgy aesthetic of a full-body tattoo without the actual needle or the lifelong commitment of permanent ink. This Tattoo Coloring Book features intricate designs and mandalas for anyone who wants to be a walking masterpiece but is currently just a masterpiece of procrastination.

$12ishWANT IT

The Hungover Cookbook

Bright mustard yellow cookbook cover titled The Hungover Cookbook with a small illustration.

When your head feels like a construction site and your stomach is staging a protest, The Hungover Cookbook is your only friend. This hilarious guide offers the perfect culinary roadmap for navigating the morning after without making your internal organs regret your questionable life choices.