Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

Modern Gentleman Guide

Green guide book titled How To Be A Man, featuring a vintage illustration of a gentleman.

Because apparently, some of us need a literal instruction manual for the complex task of existing as a man. How To Be a Man covers everything from style to behavior, providing a roadmap for anyone who wants to master the art of being a gentleman without looking like a total disaster.

$53ishWANT IT

The Gift of Nothing

Clear rectangular storage box with bold black text reading "You Said You Wanted Nothing.

Finally, you can fulfill their impossible request for absolutely nothing without feeling like a total failure. This clear box provides an endless supply of nothing, making it the perfect gluten-free prank for the person who already owns everything and deserves a literal masterpiece of uselessness.

$9ishWANT IT

Dump a Trump Pen Holder

Donald Trump Pen Holder. Satirical resin figurine of a man in a red cap and blue suit posed on a black desk base.

Finally, a way to literally dump a Trump on your desk while keeping your pens organized. This heavy-duty, hand-painted resin holder doubles as a paperweight, making it the ultimate satirical gag gift for anyone who wants their office supplies to have a personality.

$19ishWANT IT

$100 Bill Toilet Paper

Toilet paper roll printed with a realistic hundred dollar bill design on a bathroom holder.

Live like the filthy-rich with this $100 bill toilet paper without the crushing guilt of actually spending your life savings on hygiene. This 3-ply roll features a realistic design printed throughout every sheet, making it the ultimate gag gift for the friend who has everything but a sense of financial responsibility.

Can of Whoop-Ass

Cylindrical metal can of Whoop-Ass featuring a graphic of a clenched fist breaking out.

Give your most aggressive friend a Can of Whoop-Ass to keep them humble. This absurdly specific gag gift contains a generous serving of compost, making it the perfect "why does this exist" purchase for the hothead who needs a reality check.

$8ishWANT IT

Fake Pet Sweep Box

Large Pet Sweep box featuring a dog graphic, next to a person wearing red fuzzy animal boots.

Be the absolute menace of your next White Elephant party with the Prank-O Pet Sweep. This comically realistic box tricks everyone into thinking you bought a bizarre floor-cleaning gadget, only to reveal their actual gift hidden inside for a perfect, laughter-inducing double-take.

$7ishWANT IT

Custom Message Potato

Custom message potato inside a brown box alongside colorful assorted candies and a tag.

Why settle for a boring card when you can confuse your friends with a literal potato? This Custom Message Potato arrives in a gold surprise box with candy, making it the ultimate "why did you send me this" moment for birthdays or niche inside jokes.

$29ishWANT IT

Fifty Shades of Chicken

Hardcover cookbook cover showing a perfectly roasted golden chicken on a white plate.

Spice up your kitchen with the delicious, feathered deviance of Fifty Shades of Chicken. This parody cookbook swaps spicy romance for "Mustard-Spanked Chicken" and "Dripping Thighs," making it the perfect gag gift for anyone who wants their poultry prep to be slightly more scandalous.

$10ishWANT IT

Toilet Shaped Coffee Mug

White ceramic toilet mug holding coffee, featuring a detailed porcelain tank design.

Nothing says "I've officially lost it" quite like sipping your morning coffee out of a literal ceramic toilet. This 12-ounce mug is the perfect way to flush away boredom and confuse your coworkers while you enjoy your favorite brew from the porcelain throne.

$15ishWANT IT

DIY Gummy Sushi Kit

Brightly illustrated cardboard box containing a kit to make colorful gummy sushi.

Imagine hosting a dinner party where the only thing on the menu is edible, gelatinous deception. The Kracie Popin' Cookin' Sushi Making Kit lets you craft gummy sushi that looks real enough to confuse your guests into thinking you’ve actually mastered the culinary arts.

$9ishWANT IT

"Contents My Face" Cosmetic Bag

Vibrant pink zippered cosmetic bag with "Contents: my face" text on a light wood surface.

This hot pink bag literally contains your face. The "Contents My Face" cosmetic case is a hilariously honest way to organize your beauty essentials while acknowledging that your face is basically a chaotic construction site of products—the ultimate gift for the friend who treats their skincare like a high-stakes science experiment.

$33ishWANT IT

Alphabet of Terrible Advice

Alphabet of Terrible Advice

Finally, a way to ruin your life with actual style and literary flair. K is for Knifeball provides 80 pages of hilarious limericks and parody advice that are perfectly useless for anyone trying to be a functional human being, making it the ultimate chaotic gift.

$6ishWANT IT