Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

Multi-Tool Survival Shovel

Black and gray folding multi-tool shovel with serrated blade resting on a light wooden table.

You’re officially prepared for the apocalypse, or at least a very intense picnic, with this 12-in-1 Survivor Multi-Tool Shovel. It’s a shovel, axe, saw, and fishing kit all in one, because why just dig a hole when you can also catch a trout and open a beer?

$19ishWANT IT

Tactical Breaching Tomahawk

Heavy duty tactical tomahawk featuring a dark beveled axe head and ergonomic tan handle.

Finally, a tool designed specifically for when you need to turn a door into splinters with maximum dramatic flair. The Gerber Downrange Tactical Tomahawk packs a beveled axe head, hammer, and steel pry bar into one overbuilt masterpiece, making you look dangerously prepared for any tactical situation or backyard apocalypse.

$212ishWANT IT

Credit Card Survival Kit

Flat, dark gray credit card survival kit engraved with various tactical tools and hooks.

Finally, a way to look like a tactical genius while carrying a literal survival kit in your wallet. These READYMAN Survival Cards pack fishhooks, saw blades, and arrows into a stainless steel credit card, ensuring you're prepared for the apocalypse—or just a very intense camping trip.

$17ishWANT IT

Tactical Glass Breaker Pen

Tactical Glass Breaker Pen

Why settle for a flimsy stick when you can carry a pen that doubles as a high-speed escape tool? This aircraft aluminum tactical pen features a carbide tip glass breaker, ensuring you can write your grocery list and shatter a window with effortless, overbuilt style.

$16ishWANT IT

Paracord Survival Grenade

Tactical grenade-shaped survival tool wrapped in black and gray paracord cord.

This Paracord Survival Grenade looks like it belongs in a high-stakes action movie, but it actually packs 48 life-saving tools instead of explosives. It’s the perfect way to look like a tactical badass while still having a fire starter and fishing hooks ready for your next adventure.

$74ishWANT IT

Multi-Tool Survival Axe

Black multi-tool survival axe featuring a gray handle and measurement markings etched onto the blade.

Be the only person in the wilderness capable of chopping wood, launching arrows, and checking the time with a single hand. The Tops Knives Atax Hand Axe is an absurdly over-engineered survival masterpiece for those who find "just an axe" to be tragically insufficient.

$191ishWANT IT

Multi-Tool Lighter Sleeve

Stainless steel lighter sleeve multi-tool with attached knife and folding scissors.

Become the most over-prepared person at the campsite by turning your basic lighter into a pocket-sized survival kit. This stainless steel sleeve packs a knife, scissors, and screwdrivers into one nearly indestructible shell. It’s the ultimate "just in case" flex for when you need to fix a chair or open a beer.

$19ishWANT IT

Stormproof Matches

Orange matches fanned out beside two dark green cylindrical stormproof match holders.

Finally, a match that’s more resilient than your last three relationships. These stormproof matches are windproof, waterproof, and will literally relight after being submerged in water, making them the ultimate prepared-for-everything flex for your next camping trip or emergency kit.

$12ishWANT IT

MultiCam Tactical Gloves

Heavy-duty MultiCam tactical gloves showing padded knuckles and camouflage design.

Finally, you can perform your daily chores while looking like you’re about to breach a high-security compound. These MultiCam M-Pact Tactical Gloves offer heavy-duty impact protection and touchscreen capability for the person who wants to be "tactically ready" for every mundane task in their life.

$25ishWANT IT

72-Hour Survival Backpack

Red 72-hour survival backpack kit with emergency food, ponchos, and medical supplies.

Nothing says "I’m prepared for the inevitable collapse of civilization" like a backpack full of 2,400-calorie food bars and emergency ponchos. This 72-Hour Survival Backpack keeps two people fed and functional for three days with first aid supplies, water, and light sticks for when the grid finally goes dark.

$39ishWANT IT

Woods Survival Guide

Dark green hardcover book titled How to Stay Alive in the Woods, featuring a small flame icon.

If you’re planning on getting lost in the woods, this Woods Survival Guide ensures you actually make it back to civilization in one piece. It covers everything from building shelter to finding food, because "vibes" aren't a valid strategy for self-preservation when the local wildlife starts looking hungry.

$12ishWANT IT

CIA Spy Secrets

A white book titled Spy Secrets, detailing CIA survival and safety techniques.

Finally, you can live your life with the paranoid confidence of a high-level operative. This book reveals CIA spy secrets and survival techniques, ensuring you’re prepared for every emergency while making your neighbors wonder why you’re suddenly practicing tactical maneuvers in the backyard.

$17ishWANT IT