Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

Tattoo Coloring Book

Detailed tattoo coloring book cover featuring a fierce tiger head surrounded by intricate mandalas.

Commit to the edgy aesthetic of a full-body tattoo without the actual needle or the lifelong commitment of permanent ink. This Tattoo Coloring Book features intricate designs and mandalas for anyone who wants to be a walking masterpiece but is currently just a masterpiece of procrastination.

$12ishWANT IT

Sweary Coloring Book

Irreverent adult coloring book cover titled Calm the F*ck Down with detailed patterned border design.

The Calm the F*ck Down coloring book lets you color the things you aren't allowed to say in polite company. It pairs beautiful, complex illustrations of fairies and animals with hilarious, sweary affirmations, making it the perfect way to release your inner smartass while staying technically productive.

Gangsta Rap Coloring Book

Red coloring book cover with a detailed illustration of a stylized gun and bold text.

Finally, a way to channel your inner menace while practicing mindfulness. The Gangsta Rap Coloring Book lets you unleash your street cred one crayon stroke at a time, making it the ultimate activity for when you need to be aggressively artistic without actually breaking any laws.

$10ishWANT IT

Holy Meme Bible

Textured white book titled Holy Meme Bible, featuring ornate gold lettering and design.

The Holy Meme Bible is the only spiritual guide you need for your questionable internet history. This 60-page activity book lets you confess your love for your FBI agent and color a badly illustrated Kim Kardashian while reliving the peak brain rot of 2018.

$16ishWANT IT

3D Big Butt Book

Hardcover book cover showing a 3D graphic of buttocks in black lace on a yellow background.

The Big Butt Book 3D is the ultimate centerpiece for anyone who wants their living room to scream "I have refined, three-dimensional taste." This multilingual hardcover offers a heavy, 218-page exploration of curves that is somehow both a masterpiece of photography and a total conversation starter.

Sarcastic Adult Crayons

Yellow packaging displaying a hand holding a set of sarcastic offensive crayons.

The ultimate Secret Santa gift for the coworker who secretly hates everyone is this set of Sarcastic Adult Crayons. These non-toxic wax sticks feature offensive names like "Privilege" and "Suspicious Cold Sore Red," turning your next coloring session into a masterpiece of pure, unadulterated petty spite.

$12ishWANT IT

Crap Taxidermy Book

Hardcover Crap Taxidermy book with a humorous illustration of a fox standing on a wooden stand.

Your coffee table deserves the chaotic energy of Crap Taxidermy, a book dedicated to the glorious failures of preservation. From "Dieting Foxes" to "Tabby Gymnastics," these cursed images prove that sometimes, the only thing better than a preserved animal is a really messed-up one.

$9ishWANT IT

Dollar Bill Origami Book

Extreme origami book cover showing a detailed green creature illustration on a black background.

Turn your dwindling savings into a masterpiece with this Dollar Bill Origami Book. It’s the ultimate way to make your bank account look like a high-end gallery while ensuring your cash becomes physically impossible to spend at a grocery store.

Wrong Answer Exam Book

Blue exam book titled F in Exams showing a handwritten geometry problem on the cover.

Finally, a way to prove you’re the smartest person in the room by being the most confidently incorrect. F in Exams features the very best totally wrong test answers, making it the ultimate trophy for anyone who has mastered the art of failing with style.

$6ishWANT IT

Alphabet of Terrible Advice

Alphabet of Terrible Advice

Finally, a way to ruin your life with actual style and literary flair. K is for Knifeball provides 80 pages of hilarious limericks and parody advice that are perfectly useless for anyone trying to be a functional human being, making it the ultimate chaotic gift.

$6ishWANT IT

You Have to Fucking Eat Book

Satirical book cover featuring cartoon pandas and a woman sitting among them on a wooden table.

Finally, a way to express your internal screaming through the medium of a profane, satirical hardcover book. "You Have to Fucking Eat" offers radical honesty and cathartic humor for parents who are currently losing their minds and need to laugh until they cry over the daily chaos of survival.

$14ishWANT IT

Satirical Porn Book

Pink book cover displaying a man with a hose, titled "Porn for women" in stylized text.

Give your best friend the gift of high-brow, satirical smut that they can actually show off on their coffee table. This hilariously absurd book of "porn" for women features pictures and humor so dry it’s practically a masterpiece. It’s the ultimate "why does this exist?" purchase for the irony-obsessed.

$12ishWANT IT