Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

Gallows Humor Book

Gallows Humor Book

Finally, a way to admit you’re done with everyone without actually having to say it out loud. All My Friends Are Dead is a satirical hardcover packed with puns and comic strips for the socially exhausted who are tired of pretending they still have a social life.

$7ishWANT IT

Idiots Are Everywhere Book

Hand holding bread near a book cover featuring a humorous wildlife warning sign in a grassy setting.

Idiots Are Everywhere is the literary validation you need for every time you’ve rolled your eyes at a stranger today. This 136-page humor book captures the absurdity of human incompetence in pure, relatable spite, making it the perfect gift for your most judgmental friend.

Alphabet of Terrible Advice

Alphabet of Terrible Advice

Finally, a way to ruin your life with actual style and literary flair. K is for Knifeball provides 80 pages of hilarious limericks and parody advice that are perfectly useless for anyone trying to be a functional human being, making it the ultimate chaotic gift.

$6ishWANT IT

Crap Taxidermy Book

Hardcover Crap Taxidermy book with a humorous illustration of a fox standing on a wooden stand.

Your coffee table deserves the chaotic energy of Crap Taxidermy, a book dedicated to the glorious failures of preservation. From "Dieting Foxes" to "Tabby Gymnastics," these cursed images prove that sometimes, the only thing better than a preserved animal is a really messed-up one.

$9ishWANT IT

You Have to Fucking Eat Book

Satirical book cover featuring cartoon pandas and a woman sitting among them on a wooden table.

Finally, a way to express your internal screaming through the medium of a profane, satirical hardcover book. "You Have to Fucking Eat" offers radical honesty and cathartic humor for parents who are currently losing their minds and need to laugh until they cry over the daily chaos of survival.

$14ishWANT IT

Can of Whoop-Ass

Cylindrical metal can of Whoop-Ass featuring a graphic of a clenched fist breaking out.

Give your most aggressive friend a Can of Whoop-Ass to keep them humble. This absurdly specific gag gift contains a generous serving of compost, making it the perfect "why does this exist" purchase for the hothead who needs a reality check.

$8ishWANT IT

Images You Should Not Masturbate To

Book cover for Images You Should Not Masturbate To showing a man holding an axe.

Gift your most unhinged friend a copy of Images You Should Not Masturbate To for their next birthday. This 80-page collection of mood-killing illustrations is the perfect way to ruin a vibe while proving you have impeccable, albeit deeply concerning, taste in humor.

$12ishWANT IT

Middle Class Problems Book

Humorous book cover titled Middle Class Problems showing a man in a yellow shirt holding his head.

Finally, a book that validates your existential dread about owning a lawnmower and a slightly too expensive toaster. Middle Class Problems by Benjamin Lee turns the soul-crushing absurdity of modern life into a hilarious comedy, making it the perfect gift for anyone currently drowning in suburban mediocrity.

$142ishWANT IT

Traumatize Your Children Book

Humorous parenting book cover featuring a cartoon child and the title How to Traumatize Your Children.

Secure your legacy as a parental disaster with the "How to Traumatize Your Children" book. This witty guide offers seven proven methods to screw up your kids with skill and humor, making it the perfect gift for parents who want to be their wittiest, most chaotic selves.

$8ishWANT IT

Ex-Wife's Wedding Dress Book

Hardcover blue book featuring a person in a white wedding dress on a rustic wooden surface.

101 Uses for My Ex-Wife's Wedding Dress is the petty masterpiece your bookshelf is missing. This hilarious guide turns matrimonial wreckage into practical household items, making it the perfect gift for anyone who wants to handle a messy breakup with maximum creative spite.

Wrong Answer Exam Book

Blue exam book titled F in Exams showing a handwritten geometry problem on the cover.

Finally, a way to prove you’re the smartest person in the room by being the most confidently incorrect. F in Exams features the very best totally wrong test answers, making it the ultimate trophy for anyone who has mastered the art of failing with style.

$6ishWANT IT

Spare Time Money Book

Bright orange book cover showing a shadowy figure and the title "How to Make Money in Your Spare Time.

When your friend complains about their 9-to-5 again, hand them "How to Make Money in Your Spare Time." This satirical guide offers hilarious, useless side hustle ideas for anyone who wants to turn their leisure time into a fortune without actually trying.

$9ishWANT IT