Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

6-Person Floating Island

Large inflatable white and blue floating island lounge with a blue sunshade canopy on clear water

Why settle for a pathetic pool noodle when you can own a literal floating island for your entire friend group? This massive 6-person lounge features a built-in cooler, cup holders, and a detachable sunshade, ensuring you stay hydrated and shaded while drifting into a state of pure, unadulterated lake-day bliss.

$189ishWANT IT

Reclining Pool Lounger

Bright blue inflatable pool lounger with an adjustable backrest floating in a clear swimming pool.

Why settle for a basic floatie when you can have a fully reclining pool couch for two? This oversized inflatable lounger features an adjustable backrest and dual cupholders, perfect for those who refuse to compromise on lumbar support while drifting aimlessly in the deep end.

$81ishWANT IT

Ray Gun UFO Pool Float

Two kids floating on purple UFO pool floats with water squirters in a backyard pool.

The UFO Pool Float with Ray Gun is the only way to properly defend your backyard from aquatic invaders. These retro-styled crafts draw water directly from the pool for a constant stream of chaos, ensuring your neighbors will definitely think you’re starting an intergalactic uprising.

$52ishWANT IT

Chocolate Donut Pool Float

Oversized brown donut pool float covered in colorful sprinkles floating in a blue swimming pool.

Nothing says "I’ve completely lost my grip on reality" like lounging in a four-foot chocolate donut. This oversized vinyl float features a convenient pre-taken bite, making you the most delicious—and least edible—person at the pool party while providing a patch kit for your inevitable mid-summer mishaps.

$16ishWANT IT

Inflatable Jousting Logs

A smiling boy in a swimming pool interacting with large inflatable jousting logs.

Turn your backyard pool into a medieval battlefield with these Inflatable Jousting Logs. Balance on vinyl logs and swing boppers to knock your friends into the deep end, settling petty grievances with a high-energy, splashy showdown of oddly specific, water-based violence.

$26ishWANT IT

Face-Down Beach Lounger

Bright blue adjustable beach lounger with metal frame resting on a poolside patio.

This Face-Down Beach Lounger features a literal hole for your face, because apparently, lying on your stomach isn't convenient enough. With dedicated arm slots and a reclining frame, it’s the perfect way to tan your back while maintaining your dignity and oxygen supply.

$69ishWANT IT

Waterproof Pool Table

White outdoor pool table with waterproof felt resting on a tiled patio in a garden setting.

There is a pool table designed to survive a literal rainstorm. The Hathaway Alpine features waterproof, UV-resistant felt and a powder-coated aluminum frame, ensuring your break shots remain flawless even when the clouds open up—it’s the ultimate "why does this exist" backyard flex.

$2249ishWANT IT

Trailer Hitch Hammock

Burgundy hammock chairs hanging from a metal stand attached to a vehicle hitch for outdoor relaxation

Finally, a way to make your SUV do more than just haul groceries—it can now host a literal backyard lounge. The Hammaka Trailer Hitch Stand lets you dangle from your hitch in a hammock chair, because nothing says "peak relaxation" like being tethered to a truck.

$280ishWANT IT

Floating Cat Track

Ginger cat standing on a floating wall-mounted sisal pole climbing track structure.

Your cat deserves a vertical kingdom, and your sofa deserves a break from being shredded. The Cat Mod Climb Track is a floating, wall-mounted jungle gym with sisal poles and hammocks, giving your feline overlord the high-altitude territory they crave without sacrificing your floor space.

$289ishWANT IT

Tabletop Pool Table

Compact wooden pool table with green felt, cues, and racked billiard balls.

When your apartment is too small for a real pool table but your ego still demands a game of billiards. This 20-inch tabletop set lets you sink shots on your kitchen counter, proving that size doesn't matter as long as the hustle is real and the felt is lint-free.

$29ishWANT IT

Golden Wolf Bedspread

Thick faux fur bedspread patterned like a wolf pelt draped over a dark wooden bed frame.

Achieve the ultimate luxury wilderness aesthetic with the Golden Wolf Faux Fur Bedspread. It’s the perfect way to sleep like a majestic predator in a high-end den without the inconvenient risk of being mauled by an actual wolf, providing a sumptuous, wrinkled look that screams designer wilderness.

$898ishWANT IT

Useless Switch Box

Small black switch box featuring a tiny mechanical finger popping out from the top.

Achieve peak futility with the Useless Box, a masterpiece of engineering that does absolutely nothing. Flip the switch and watch a tiny mechanical finger pop out to immediately turn it off again. It’s the perfect desk toy for anyone who wants to celebrate the beauty of pointless, high-quality engineering.

$9ishWANT IT