Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

Waterproof Pool Table

White outdoor pool table with waterproof felt resting on a tiled patio in a garden setting.

There is a pool table designed to survive a literal rainstorm. The Hathaway Alpine features waterproof, UV-resistant felt and a powder-coated aluminum frame, ensuring your break shots remain flawless even when the clouds open up—it’s the ultimate "why does this exist" backyard flex.

$2249ishWANT IT

Tabletop Pool Table

Compact wooden pool table with green felt, cues, and racked billiard balls.

When your apartment is too small for a real pool table but your ego still demands a game of billiards. This 20-inch tabletop set lets you sink shots on your kitchen counter, proving that size doesn't matter as long as the hustle is real and the felt is lint-free.

$29ishWANT IT

Cypress Tree Coffee Table

Modern living room coffee table featuring a dark, intricate tree root base and clear glass top.

Your living room is currently lacking the chaotic energy of a literal forest. This Cypress Tree Coffee Table provides that exact vibe, offering a nature-inspired centerpiece that makes your guests wonder if you’ve finally lost it or just have impeccable taste.

$1430ishWANT IT

Aquarium End Table

Clear glass end table housing a vibrant illuminated aquarium with blue gravel and fish.

Your living room is officially lacking a tropical ecosystem, but this illuminated aquarium end table fixes that. It features a 25-gallon tank with blue glass gravel and a solid tempered glass top, making it the perfect place to rest your drink while your fish live their best life.

$696ishWANT IT

Scarface Garden Gnome

Garden gnome statue with a pistol and a base reading "Say hello to my little friend.

Give your backyard the ultimate 1980s Miami makeover with a lawn ornament that actually has a "no trespassing" policy. This Scarface Garden Gnome stands guard as a weather-resistant home defender, looking ridiculously intimidating to the neighbors while providing the perfect amount of gritty, garden-variety chaos.

$26ishWANT IT

Face-Down Beach Lounger

Bright blue adjustable beach lounger with metal frame resting on a poolside patio.

This Face-Down Beach Lounger features a literal hole for your face, because apparently, lying on your stomach isn't convenient enough. With dedicated arm slots and a reclining frame, it’s the perfect way to tan your back while maintaining your dignity and oxygen supply.

$69ishWANT IT

Praying Mantis Egg Case

A light green praying mantis perched on a mossy tree branch outdoors.

Your garden doesn't need a gardener; it needs a tiny, voracious army of insect-eating mercenaries. These praying mantis egg cases include a hatching habitat, letting you watch your new bug-devouring minions emerge and start their ruthless quest to feast on every cricket and moth in sight.

$19ishWANT IT

Floating Cat Track

Ginger cat standing on a floating wall-mounted sisal pole climbing track structure.

Your cat deserves a vertical kingdom, and your sofa deserves a break from being shredded. The Cat Mod Climb Track is a floating, wall-mounted jungle gym with sisal poles and hammocks, giving your feline overlord the high-altitude territory they crave without sacrificing your floor space.

$289ishWANT IT

Transformer Flash Drive

Black mechanical leopard and flat flash drive resting on a light wooden table surface.

Give your data a serious personality crisis with this 32GB Transformer USB Flash Drive. It magically morphs into a fierce leopard, allowing your files to hide in your pocket like a jungle predator. It is the perfect way to keep your secrets safe from everyone except the big cats.

$7ishWANT IT

Sand-Free Camping Mat

Turquoise woven camping mat rolled up and secured by a gray strap on a wooden outdoor table

Imagine a beach blanket that refuses to hold onto sand like a clingy ex. This CGEAR mat uses a military-derived weave to let dirt fall straight through, keeping your picnic area suspiciously clean. It’s the oddly specific, high-tech luxury your outdoor life is currently lacking.

$64ishWANT IT

Trailer Hitch Hammock

Burgundy hammock chairs hanging from a metal stand attached to a vehicle hitch for outdoor relaxation

Finally, a way to make your SUV do more than just haul groceries—it can now host a literal backyard lounge. The Hammaka Trailer Hitch Stand lets you dangle from your hitch in a hammock chair, because nothing says "peak relaxation" like being tethered to a truck.

$280ishWANT IT

Convertible Travel Pack

Black convertible travel pack shown as a rolling suitcase with external straps and handles.

Finally, a bag that handles your entire personality in one go. The NOMATIC 40L Travel Bag converts from a duffel to a backpack, featuring over 20 pockets for your shoes, tech, and secrets. It’s basically a suitcase with an identity crisis that you’ll definitely need for your next trip.

$263ishWANT IT