Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

Dapper Dog Neckties

Assortment of colorful patterned dog neckties, including stripes and polka dots, on a wooden surface.

Your dog is officially more dressed for success than you are with this 10-pack of dapper neckties. These adjustable bow ties turn every walk into a high-stakes corporate board meeting, ensuring your pup is the best-dressed employee in the entire neighborhood.

$13ishWANT IT

One-Handed Dog Water Bottle

Bright blue dog water bottle with a black feeding bowl and adjustable strap for hiking.

When you're hiking, stop making your dog drink from a public bowl filled with mystery pathogens. The AutoDogMug lets you squeeze out a drink with one hand and drain the excess back into the bottle, making you the most prepared—and slightly obsessed—hydration butler for your furry best friend.

$20ishWANT IT

Flip-Action Dog Water Bottle

Set of four portable dog water bottles in pink, yellow, green, and blue hues.

When your dog starts judging your lack of outdoor supplies, just flick your wrist. This Gulpy flip-action bottle dispenses water with a dramatic flourish, featuring a belt clip so you can look like a high-tech pet butler while keeping your best friend hydrated on the go.

$9ishWANT IT

Kangaroo Pocket Dog Hoodie

Dark dog wearing a vibrant red hoodie featuring a kangaroo pocket, sitting on a rug.

Give your dog peak main character energy with this tomato red hoodie featuring a functional kangaroo pocket. It is the ultimate way to achieve that tiny human aesthetic, ensuring your pup looks like a stylish, slightly confused person who is prepared for absolutely nothing but maximum cozy vibes.

Indestructible Herding Ball

Large red plastic dog ball with white and yellow lettering, labeled "Virtually Indestructible.

Finally, a ball your dog isn't allowed to chew, catch, or fetch. The Doggie Dooley Virtually Indestructible Dog Ball is a 10-inch hard plastic boulder designed strictly for herding and push-play. It’s the perfect way to channel your dog’s inner bulldozer without destroying your actual furniture.

$29ishWANT IT

Ewok Dog Costume

Fluffy white dog wearing a brown Ewok hooded costume with pointed ears and forest details.

Nothing says "I’ve lost my mind" like a Chihuahua in a full Ewok hood with floppy ears. This officially licensed costume transforms your tiny pup into a fierce forest warrior, perfectly blending "adorable" with "ready to fight off space pirates" at the next house party.

$46ishWANT IT

Garden Hose Pet Fountain

Angular silver pet fountain resting on stone, connected to a bright yellow garden hose.

Give your pet the luxury of a never-ending backyard oasis with the Aqua Buddy. This hose-connected fountain provides a constant stream of fresh water, ensuring your dog never has to settle for a lukewarm puddle while you’re busy being a superior human.

$23ishWANT IT

Color Changing Fire Packets

Color changing fire packets tossed into a campfire creating vibrant blue and green flames

Turn your backyard bonfire into a full-blown psychedelic ritual with these Mystical Fire packets. Just toss them into a wood fire to summon vibrant green, blue, and purple flames that will make your neighbors think you’re starting a cult. It’s the weirdly necessary upgrade your next camping trip deserves.

$9ishWANT IT

Cat Plotting Guidebook

Red guidebook book cover showing a cat plotting with a skull thought bubble.

Your cat isn't just "being cute"; they are likely calculating the exact moment of your demise. This hilarious guidebook from The Oatmeal helps you identify the subtle signs of feline world domination. It’s the oddly specific, slightly paranoid gift for anyone who suspects their pet is a tiny, furry assassin.

$9ishWANT IT

Wrong Answer Exam Book

Blue exam book titled F in Exams showing a handwritten geometry problem on the cover.

Finally, a way to prove you’re the smartest person in the room by being the most confidently incorrect. F in Exams features the very best totally wrong test answers, making it the ultimate trophy for anyone who has mastered the art of failing with style.

$6ishWANT IT

Gallows Humor Book

Gallows Humor Book

Finally, a way to admit you’re done with everyone without actually having to say it out loud. All My Friends Are Dead is a satirical hardcover packed with puns and comic strips for the socially exhausted who are tired of pretending they still have a social life.

$7ishWANT IT

CIA Spy Secrets

A white book titled Spy Secrets, detailing CIA survival and safety techniques.

Finally, you can live your life with the paranoid confidence of a high-level operative. This book reveals CIA spy secrets and survival techniques, ensuring you’re prepared for every emergency while making your neighbors wonder why you’re suddenly practicing tactical maneuvers in the backyard.

$17ishWANT IT