Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

Hardwood Rubber Band Gun

Hardwood pistol-style rubber band gun with engraved text and a pile of green elastic bands

Channel your inner 007 without the pesky legal fees or actual danger. This solid hardwood PPK rubber band gun features a semi-automatic action that fires five bands in under two seconds, making it the perfect overbuilt tool for settling backyard disputes with rapid-fire elastic precision.

$26ishWANT IT

Semi-Auto Rubber Band Gun

Hardwood pistol-style rubber band gun displayed next to a pile of blue bands.

Why settle for a clothespin when you can have a high-performance, hardwood-crafted tactical weapon for your office supplies? This semi-automatic 1911 fires six rubber bands in under two seconds, providing the perfect level of unnecessary intensity for your next backyard skirmish or desk-side standoff.

$39ishWANT IT

Rubber Band Machine Gun

Wooden toy machine gun model featuring a magazine loaded with red rubber bands.

Why settle for a regular rubber band when you can unleash a high-velocity barrage of office supplies? This electric machine gun fires 16 bands per second, holds 900 rounds, and is the ultimate way to declare war on your coworkers while wearing mandatory safety glasses.

$433ishWANT IT

Toilet Paper Spitball Blaster

Backyard toy blaster featuring a toilet paper roll and clear firing cup on a wooden surface

The Toilet Paper Blaster is the ultimate "why does this exist" solution for your next backyard skirmish. It transforms regular rolls into clean, bio-degradable spitballs that fly up to 30 feet, letting you wage a high-stakes war without the gross factor of actual saliva.

$89ishWANT IT

Stainless Wolverine Claws

Metallic stainless steel Wolverine claws with black grips crossed on a light wooden table.

These gleaming stainless steel Wolverine claws turn your hands into a literal weapon of cinematic destruction. They are the perfect way to settle office disputes or just look intimidating while opening the mail with mutant-level intensity and zero actual responsibility.

$37ishWANT IT

Nerf Battle Go Kart

Nerf battle go kart with black body, orange wheels, and dedicated blaster mounts for action.

Why settle for a regular backyard war when you can have a mobile fortress? The Nerf Battle Racer is a pedal-powered go-kart featuring dedicated blaster mounts and a handbrake for tactical retreats. It’s the peak of suburban warfare and exactly the kind of unnecessary chaos your driveway is missing.

$109ishWANT IT

Ray Gun UFO Pool Float

Two kids floating on purple UFO pool floats with water squirters in a backyard pool.

The UFO Pool Float with Ray Gun is the only way to properly defend your backyard from aquatic invaders. These retro-styled crafts draw water directly from the pool for a constant stream of chaos, ensuring your neighbors will definitely think you’re starting an intergalactic uprising.

$52ishWANT IT

Indestructible Herding Ball

Large red plastic dog ball with white and yellow lettering, labeled "Virtually Indestructible.

Finally, a ball your dog isn't allowed to chew, catch, or fetch. The Doggie Dooley Virtually Indestructible Dog Ball is a 10-inch hard plastic boulder designed strictly for herding and push-play. It’s the perfect way to channel your dog’s inner bulldozer without destroying your actual furniture.

$29ishWANT IT

Salt-Powered Fly Shotgun

Yellow salt-powered fly shotgun resting on a weathered wooden outdoor table.

Why settle for a pathetic swatter when you can turn fly hunting into a tactical operation with the BUG-A-SALT Yellow 3.0? This salt-powered shotgun uses ordinary table salt to blast pests with non-toxic accuracy, making backyard pest control feel like a high-stakes skirmish.

$9ishWANT IT

Glow Capture the Flag

Capture the Flag Redux game box showing players in a glowing outdoor battlefield.

Your backyard is about to become a radioactive neon war zone. Redux turns night into a high-stakes, glowing battlefield where stealth is mandatory, giving you the perfect excuse to sprint like a ninja and ruin your friends' night in the most luminous way possible.

$59ishWANT IT

Useless Switch Box

Small black switch box featuring a tiny mechanical finger popping out from the top.

Achieve peak futility with the Useless Box, a masterpiece of engineering that does absolutely nothing. Flip the switch and watch a tiny mechanical finger pop out to immediately turn it off again. It’s the perfect desk toy for anyone who wants to celebrate the beauty of pointless, high-quality engineering.

$9ishWANT IT

Bulletproof Shot Glass

Clear glass shot glass with a copper bullet embedded on the side.

Finally, a way to ensure your drinks are officially bulletproof. This handmade shot glass features a real, lead-free .308 copper bullet embedded in the glass, making it the ultimate "over-prepared" gift for the friend who wants their tequila to come with a side of tactical intensity.

$14ishWANT IT