Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

Stainless Steel Odor Bar

Smooth, rounded stainless steel bar engraved with "RUB-A-WAY" on a light speckled surface.

This is a literal bar of stainless steel that functions as a high-tech eraser for your stinky hands. The Amco Rub-a-Way Bar uses molecular bonding to neutralize garlic, fish, and hiking odors instantly, providing a dishwasher-safe solution that works perfectly whether your hands are wet or dry.

$9ishWANT IT

Samurai Sword Letter Opener

Black samurai sword letter opener with a red blade resting on a light wooden surface.

Opening your mail shouldn't be a mundane chore; it should be a high-stakes duel. This Samurai Sword Letter Opener features a stainless steel blade and a dragon pommel, ensuring your bills are defeated with the terrifying dignity of a historical warrior.

$15ishWANT IT

Marty McFly's Hoverboard

Upright pink and yellow hoverboard replica with retro striped pattern and "Hover Board" text

Finally, you can own a piece of cinematic history without the pesky side effects of accidental time travel. This 1:1 scale Marty McFly Hoverboard replica features authentic sticker details and foot straps, making it the perfect way to look incredibly cool while remaining firmly grounded on the floor.

$79ishWANT IT

V for Vendetta Mask

V for Vendetta mask in cream color with dramatic black mustache and goatee

This V for Vendetta mask is the ultimate cinematic face for anyone planning a revolution or a very dramatic trip to the grocery store. It provides a sophisticated mastermind look that makes every mundane errand feel like a high-stakes political uprising you’re definitely winning.

$15ishWANT IT

Semi-Automatic Rubber Band Gun

Wooden tactical rubber band gun made of maple wood next to a pile of red rubber bands.

You can finally declare war on your roommates with the semi-automatic rubber band gun. Carved from solid hard rock maple, this tactical masterpiece fires 24 bands in under seven seconds. It’s the ultimate way to settle playground disputes with adult-grade craftsmanship and zero actual danger.

$139ishWANT IT

Workaholics Bear Coat

A person wearing a large brown faux fur bear costume coat while relaxing on a sofa.

Finally, you can achieve Blake’s level of peak-performance hibernation in total faux fur luxury. This official Workaholics bear coat is the ultimate way to stay warm while pretending your life isn't a complete disaster, making it a must-have for any fan of the show's absurdity.

$179ishWANT IT

Hidden Bible Flask

Stainless steel flask displayed next to a black gift box featuring a gold cross and holy bible text.

Hide your sins in the most sacred place possible with this Bible Flask. This 6-ounce stainless steel flask fits perfectly into the cutout pages of a holy book, ensuring your spiritual journey includes a very specific, liquid-based detour that nobody—not even the neighbors—will ever suspect.

$14ishWANT IT

Credit Card Survival Kit

Flat, dark gray credit card survival kit engraved with various tactical tools and hooks.

Finally, a way to look like a tactical genius while carrying a literal survival kit in your wallet. These READYMAN Survival Cards pack fishhooks, saw blades, and arrows into a stainless steel credit card, ensuring you're prepared for the apocalypse—or just a very intense camping trip.

$17ishWANT IT

Luchador Bottle Opener

Red luchador wrestler bottle opener being used on a bright green glass bottle.

A tiny wrestler is currently holding your beer hostage in a brutal lock hold. This Luchador Bottle Opener turns every drink into a high-stakes championship match, using stainless steel and rubberized coating to ensure your beverage is liberated with maximum drama and zero dignity.

$9ishWANT IT

Multi-Tool Lighter Sleeve

Stainless steel lighter sleeve multi-tool with attached knife and folding scissors.

Become the most over-prepared person at the campsite by turning your basic lighter into a pocket-sized survival kit. This stainless steel sleeve packs a knife, scissors, and screwdrivers into one nearly indestructible shell. It’s the ultimate "just in case" flex for when you need to fix a chair or open a beer.

$19ishWANT IT

Semi-Auto Rubber Band Gun

Hardwood pistol-style rubber band gun displayed next to a pile of blue bands.

Why settle for a clothespin when you can have a high-performance, hardwood-crafted tactical weapon for your office supplies? This semi-automatic 1911 fires six rubber bands in under two seconds, providing the perfect level of unnecessary intensity for your next backyard skirmish or desk-side standoff.

$39ishWANT IT

Tactical Survival Shovel

Black entrenching shovel with a stylized, aggressive blade design and sturdy handle.

Finally, a shovel that doubles as a defensive weapon for when your camping trip takes a turn for the dramatic. The M48 Kommando Tactical Shovel features sharpened serrated edges and a fiberglass-reinforced handle, making it perfect for digging trenches or defending your snacks with maximum tactical intensity.

$59ishWANT IT