Why I Want It

Other gloriously useless things you definitely need:

Semi-Automatic Rubber Band Gun

Wooden tactical rubber band gun made of maple wood next to a pile of red rubber bands.

You can finally declare war on your roommates with the semi-automatic rubber band gun. Carved from solid hard rock maple, this tactical masterpiece fires 24 bands in under seven seconds. It’s the ultimate way to settle playground disputes with adult-grade craftsmanship and zero actual danger.

$139ishWANT IT

Semi-Auto Rubber Band Gun

Hardwood pistol-style rubber band gun displayed next to a pile of blue bands.

Why settle for a clothespin when you can have a high-performance, hardwood-crafted tactical weapon for your office supplies? This semi-automatic 1911 fires six rubber bands in under two seconds, providing the perfect level of unnecessary intensity for your next backyard skirmish or desk-side standoff.

$39ishWANT IT

Hardwood Rubber Band Gun

Hardwood pistol-style rubber band gun with engraved text and a pile of green elastic bands

Channel your inner 007 without the pesky legal fees or actual danger. This solid hardwood PPK rubber band gun features a semi-automatic action that fires five bands in under two seconds, making it the perfect overbuilt tool for settling backyard disputes with rapid-fire elastic precision.

$26ishWANT IT

Toilet Paper Spitball Blaster

Backyard toy blaster featuring a toilet paper roll and clear firing cup on a wooden surface

The Toilet Paper Blaster is the ultimate "why does this exist" solution for your next backyard skirmish. It transforms regular rolls into clean, bio-degradable spitballs that fly up to 30 feet, letting you wage a high-stakes war without the gross factor of actual saliva.

$89ishWANT IT

Nerf Battle Go Kart

Nerf battle go kart with black body, orange wheels, and dedicated blaster mounts for action.

Why settle for a regular backyard war when you can have a mobile fortress? The Nerf Battle Racer is a pedal-powered go-kart featuring dedicated blaster mounts and a handbrake for tactical retreats. It’s the peak of suburban warfare and exactly the kind of unnecessary chaos your driveway is missing.

$109ishWANT IT

Dump a Trump Pen Holder

Donald Trump Pen Holder. Satirical resin figurine of a man in a red cap and blue suit posed on a black desk base.

Finally, a way to literally dump a Trump on your desk while keeping your pens organized. This heavy-duty, hand-painted resin holder doubles as a paperweight, making it the ultimate satirical gag gift for anyone who wants their office supplies to have a personality.

$19ishWANT IT

Ray Gun UFO Pool Float

Two kids floating on purple UFO pool floats with water squirters in a backyard pool.

The UFO Pool Float with Ray Gun is the only way to properly defend your backyard from aquatic invaders. These retro-styled crafts draw water directly from the pool for a constant stream of chaos, ensuring your neighbors will definitely think you’re starting an intergalactic uprising.

$52ishWANT IT

Spitball Warfare Guide

Book cover displaying a crude wooden siege weapon blueprint for spitball warfare.

Finally, you can settle petty grievances with the tactical precision of a high-velocity spitball siege. This guide to building implements of spitball warfare provides the blueprints needed to turn a simple argument into a full-scale, moisture-based projectile war that would make your middle school self incredibly proud.

$10ishWANT IT

Retro Cotton Candy Machine

Bright red retro cotton candy maker next to a plate of fluffy pink and blue candy.

Bring the chaotic energy of a state fair directly to your kitchen with this Retro Cotton Candy Machine. It transforms hard candies into fluffy, melt-in-your-mouth clouds while the suction cup feet keep it from fleeing the scene during your inevitable, sugar-induced spiral into a fluffy, sticky haze.

$47ishWANT IT

WTF Talking Button

Black desk gadget featuring a bright red dome button labeled WTF on a wooden surface.

Finally, a way to express your internal screaming without HR getting involved. This WTF Talking Button lets you slam your frustrations into a loud, censored outburst of ten profane phrases. It’s the ultimate desk companion for those moments when "it wasn't me" is the only honest thing left to say.

$13ishWANT IT

Voice & Motion Prank Stickers

Stack of blue voice and motion activated prank decals on a light wooden surface.

Nothing says "I love you" like watching your coworkers scream at a toaster until they turn red. These Voice & Motion Prank Stickers are the ultimate way to make smart people look like absolute idiots. Stick these 50 realistic decals on anything and enjoy the pure joy of public embarrassment.

$8ishWANT IT

Electric Cooler Scooter

Compact electric scooter featuring a blue and white cooler box mounted on the rear.

Why walk to the cooler when you can ride it like a motorized throne of refreshment? The Cruzin Cooler is an electric scooter with a built-in 24-can fridge, perfect for dominating the neighborhood and making every RV park interaction slightly more intimidating.

$1679ishWANT IT